Now about Microsoft . . .
Sorry I missed posting yesterday. Well I didn't actually NOT post an article. I wrote a very funny rant about Mr. Expert on everything because I'm a scientologist Tom Cruise. Psst tom, you are not a scientist, you are a scientologist. not the same thing. get a clue.
Anyway, after writing it, I hit publish and my system crashed. Which brings us to today's rant. MICROSOFT!
Fact: Bill Gates, richest man in the world.
Fact: Bill Gates is a classic example of people who made a fortune on OTHER people's ideas and inventions. Kind of like how Sears got most of their money, except sleazier.
Parody of likely boardroom conversations at microsux;
Conversation 1. Get the product out the door and sell it to as many people as possible! It's not finished? Who cares, we'll release patches later! It might crash people's computers? Who cares, they can't sue us because of the terms of agreement. We're not responsible for anything our software does to their computers, so get that product out now! I need more money!
Conversation 2. Who do these open source people think they are? You can't give people software for free! That's just wrong! We did it? Well yeah, but we did it to create a monopoly so we would be needed by everyone so we could charge a lot of money later on. That's different. These open source people aren't trying to make money and I can't buy them off! We need a law against these people! Get the legal team in here now!
What do you mean it's not illegal to give that open source stuff away. Make it illegal! Sue them! Do something! What? We can copy the software they give away, call it something else, and sell it to people? Well now, thats more like it. I built my whole business that way! Let's do it!
Conversation 3. What's up with these Linux people? Don't they understand it's too late! I rule the world now! What? Our large clients and some government entities are switching over to linux and other alternatives? Why would they do that? I'm bill gates dammit! Because it's cheaper and more reliable? Fire our programmers and hire some more of those cheap guys from India! It's got to be the programmers fault our systems aren't as good! What? I told the programmers to ship the product out, finished or not? It's my fault? You're fired!
More stuff: It is a software company with the broadest possible understanding of software: not just computer code but books, news services, music, movies, paintings, maps and directories of people and businesses. It believes that you will buy all these on line, and it intends to deliver them. With its new Microsoft Network, providing both an on-line service and Internet access, it is focusing on electronic financial-transaction processing—which is to say, all electronic commerce; which is to say, at least in some visions of the future, pretty much all commerce. "Basically what Microsoft is trying to do is tax every bit transition in the whole world," says a senior executive of a competing software company. "When a bit flips, they will charge you."
Its profit margins are staggering by the standards of manufacturing companies—it salts away about a quarter of every dollar that comes in, compared with about 3 cents for Apple. It sits on an enormous reserve of cash. Among modern corporations it has been an unparalleled generator of personal wealth. Never mind that its founder and chairman may on any given day be the world's richest person; the third-richest Microsoft executive, Steve Ballmer, owns close to $3 billion in Microsoft stock, and 2,000 or more of its employees have be come quick millionaires, creating a remarkable new class structure in Seattle's social and political life. In a less-charged era, Gates and Ballmer both occasionally joked about their goal of world domination. Now they are more careful. Microsoft's people are taught to avoid using the word dominate in public discussion of the company's role in any part of the software business; the preferred word is lead.
More on the above at this website.
Death to the Evil Empire Web Ring
Microsoft Sucks and Bush Swallows
microsoft nears completion of death star
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to meet God.
He tells them:
"I gathered the three most important people of the world to pass on my message: Tomorrow, I will destroy the earth!"
Yeltsin goes to his council and says:
"I have 2 pieces of bad news:
1) God exists and
2) He will destroy the earth tomorrow." Clinton goes to the White House and says:
"I have good and a bad news:
1) The good news is that God exists!
2) The bad news is that He will destroy the earth tomorrow."
Bill Gates enters Microsoft and says:
"I have 2 pieces of good news:
1) I'm one of the three most important people on earth and
2) The year 2000 problem is solved!"
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.
Things That Just Piss Me Off Blog
Things That Just Piss Me Off Forum
Anyway, after writing it, I hit publish and my system crashed. Which brings us to today's rant. MICROSOFT!
Fact: Bill Gates, richest man in the world.
Fact: Bill Gates is a classic example of people who made a fortune on OTHER people's ideas and inventions. Kind of like how Sears got most of their money, except sleazier.
Parody of likely boardroom conversations at microsux;
Conversation 1. Get the product out the door and sell it to as many people as possible! It's not finished? Who cares, we'll release patches later! It might crash people's computers? Who cares, they can't sue us because of the terms of agreement. We're not responsible for anything our software does to their computers, so get that product out now! I need more money!
Conversation 2. Who do these open source people think they are? You can't give people software for free! That's just wrong! We did it? Well yeah, but we did it to create a monopoly so we would be needed by everyone so we could charge a lot of money later on. That's different. These open source people aren't trying to make money and I can't buy them off! We need a law against these people! Get the legal team in here now!
What do you mean it's not illegal to give that open source stuff away. Make it illegal! Sue them! Do something! What? We can copy the software they give away, call it something else, and sell it to people? Well now, thats more like it. I built my whole business that way! Let's do it!
Conversation 3. What's up with these Linux people? Don't they understand it's too late! I rule the world now! What? Our large clients and some government entities are switching over to linux and other alternatives? Why would they do that? I'm bill gates dammit! Because it's cheaper and more reliable? Fire our programmers and hire some more of those cheap guys from India! It's got to be the programmers fault our systems aren't as good! What? I told the programmers to ship the product out, finished or not? It's my fault? You're fired!
More stuff: It is a software company with the broadest possible understanding of software: not just computer code but books, news services, music, movies, paintings, maps and directories of people and businesses. It believes that you will buy all these on line, and it intends to deliver them. With its new Microsoft Network, providing both an on-line service and Internet access, it is focusing on electronic financial-transaction processing—which is to say, all electronic commerce; which is to say, at least in some visions of the future, pretty much all commerce. "Basically what Microsoft is trying to do is tax every bit transition in the whole world," says a senior executive of a competing software company. "When a bit flips, they will charge you."
Its profit margins are staggering by the standards of manufacturing companies—it salts away about a quarter of every dollar that comes in, compared with about 3 cents for Apple. It sits on an enormous reserve of cash. Among modern corporations it has been an unparalleled generator of personal wealth. Never mind that its founder and chairman may on any given day be the world's richest person; the third-richest Microsoft executive, Steve Ballmer, owns close to $3 billion in Microsoft stock, and 2,000 or more of its employees have be come quick millionaires, creating a remarkable new class structure in Seattle's social and political life. In a less-charged era, Gates and Ballmer both occasionally joked about their goal of world domination. Now they are more careful. Microsoft's people are taught to avoid using the word dominate in public discussion of the company's role in any part of the software business; the preferred word is lead.
More on the above at this website.
Death to the Evil Empire Web Ring
Microsoft Sucks and Bush Swallows
microsoft nears completion of death star
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to meet God.
He tells them:
"I gathered the three most important people of the world to pass on my message: Tomorrow, I will destroy the earth!"
Yeltsin goes to his council and says:
"I have 2 pieces of bad news:
1) God exists and
2) He will destroy the earth tomorrow." Clinton goes to the White House and says:
"I have good and a bad news:
1) The good news is that God exists!
2) The bad news is that He will destroy the earth tomorrow."
Bill Gates enters Microsoft and says:
"I have 2 pieces of good news:
1) I'm one of the three most important people on earth and
2) The year 2000 problem is solved!"
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.
Things That Just Piss Me Off Blog
Things That Just Piss Me Off Forum
posted by NameCritic at 1:07 PM
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